Fascinating Florida: A short step away from the theme parks, experience the gentler charms of the Sunshine State
Florida Man Available now on Netflix
Matt Charlton - 5 May 2023
To anyone who likes to describe themselves as a “traveller” rather than a “tourist”, the prospect of a trip to the supposed plastic paradise of central Florida – theme park capital of the world, and home to the planet’s largest McDonald’s, no less – would make them think more than twice. And the new Netflix drama Florida Man won’t help the case. From the makers of Ozark, it’s likely to do for the Sunshine State what the aforementioned Jason Bateman-led, critically lauded crime series did for the Midwest and Missouri... that is, not much. Starring Édgar Ramírez as an ex-cop who returns to his home state to locate a Philadelphia mobster’s missing girlfriend, it doesn’t exactly paint Florida in the kind of light that a tourist board would be particularly proud of. Indeed, even the title is named after the internet phenomenon of “Florida Man” that, according to Wikipedia, refers to “an alleged prevalence of male persons performing irrational, maniacal, or absurd actions in the US state”. However, if you do have a spare half hour, do an online search on those two words and then bask in the wonder of humanity. It’s not the best preconception to touch down in Orlando International Airport with, true, but for now I’m not being shepherded into the beating heart of the Magic Kingdom, but somewhere on the edge. Kissimmee is the perfect compromise between the lure of the thrill rides and a more local, artisan, and, in some cases, prehistoric Florida. (And no, I’m not talking about the new Jurassic World VelociCoaster at Universal Studios...although we will come to that.)
Just south of Orlando, Kissimmee's "gateway to the parks" status, combined with being a buzzy city in it's own right means that in the morning, you could be on an airboat swamp tour with the wind zipping through your hair, spend lunchtime strolling through Old Town – with its brick-lined streets, colourful independent shops and leafy canopies – and then, a 40-minute drive later, you could be in Epcot with a couple of hours spare before the daily closing-time fireworks. I’m based at Magic Village, a gated community that’s just minutes from Disney’s Animal Kingdom. It has a nice combination of a resort feel with on-site restaurants and a sizable swimming pool while giving you the freedom of a self-catered option in some very polished, airy, and air-conditioned townhouse-style accommodation.
The weather in Florida is always changeable: bright blue skies and scorching sun one moment, the next rolling thunder, fork lighting, and the kind of rain that would negate the need for log-flume rides. It is, however, always humid: this is a State built on prehistoric swampland, where the alligators are more native than the people. So a visit to the Everglades – the most natural, secluded, picturesque and other- worldly offering in central Florida – should be of the utmost priority. I went with a company called Wild Florida, which offers a drive-through safari park, a ’gator park and airboat tours driven by people like Captain Jeff, all handlebar moustache, aviator shades, and no-nonsense Floridian drawl. BBQ is also a way of life around these parts (though hopefully not involving any of the crea- tures I’ve just met). An excellent way to fill up away from the strip malls and fast food joints is the chunky slice of old-school Americana that is Big John’s Rockin’ BBQ, where you can gorge yourself on pork, chicken, ribs, brisket and sausage... and potentially some vegetables too. If you’d rather float than walk after such a session, then the picturesque Winter Park boat tour takes you along the man-made canals of Central Florida’s oldest community, founded by wealthy Easterners in the 1800s, in what feels like a behind-the-scenes tour of Orlando.
To be able to retreat to accommodation that’s close enough to make the theme parks easily doable – but far enough away to be out of the madness – is a blessing, and you can feel your self decompressing as the final theme park sign whizzes past you in the other direction on the free- way. That said, to come to Florida and not dip a toe into either Disney, Universal or both would be to forgo some serious fun. Of course, parting with significant amounts of cash will get you through the ride queues more quickly, but if your time is limited, Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventures and the VelociCoaster at Universal, and the new Guardians of the Galaxy ride at Epcot, are the ones to stand in line for. This part of the world is, largely, about the theme parks, but Kissimmee and its surrounds do an excellent job of softening the edges with touches of beauty, Americana and authenticity. If you manage to avoid the kind of characters that make up Florida Man, all the better.
To anyone who likes to describe themselves as a “traveller” rather than a “tourist”, the prospect of a trip to the supposed plastic paradise of central Florida – theme park capital of the world, and home to the planet’s largest McDonald’s, no less – would make them think more than twice. And the new Netflix drama Florida Man won’t help the case. From the makers of Ozark, it’s likely to do for the Sunshine State what the aforementioned Jason Bateman-led, critically lauded crime series did for the Midwest and Missouri... that is, not much. Starring Édgar Ramírez as an ex-cop who returns to his home state to locate a Philadelphia mobster’s missing girlfriend, it doesn’t exactly paint Florida in the kind of light that a tourist board would be particularly proud of. Indeed, even the title is named after the internet phenomenon of “Florida Man” that, according to Wikipedia, refers to “an alleged prevalence of male persons performing irrational, maniacal, or absurd actions in the US state”. However, if you do have a spare half hour, do an online search on those two words and then bask in the wonder of humanity. It’s not the best preconception to touch down in Orlando International Airport with, true, but for now I’m not being shepherded into the beating heart of the Magic Kingdom, but somewhere on the edge. Kissimmee is the perfect compromise between the lure of the thrill rides and a more local, artisan, and, in some cases, prehistoric Florida. (And no, I’m not talking about the new Jurassic World VelociCoaster at Universal Studios...although we will come to that.)
Just south of Orlando, Kissimmee's "gateway to the parks" status, combined with being a buzzy city in it's own right means that in the morning, you could be on an airboat swamp tour with the wind zipping through your hair, spend lunchtime strolling through Old Town – with its brick-lined streets, colourful independent shops and leafy canopies – and then, a 40-minute drive later, you could be in Epcot with a couple of hours spare before the daily closing-time fireworks. I’m based at Magic Village, a gated community that’s just minutes from Disney’s Animal Kingdom. It has a nice combination of a resort feel with on-site restaurants and a sizable swimming pool while giving you the freedom of a self-catered option in some very polished, airy, and air-conditioned townhouse-style accommodation.
The weather in Florida is always changeable: bright blue skies and scorching sun one moment, the next rolling thunder, fork lighting, and the kind of rain that would negate the need for log-flume rides. It is, however, always humid: this is a State built on prehistoric swampland, where the alligators are more native than the people. So a visit to the Everglades – the most natural, secluded, picturesque and other- worldly offering in central Florida – should be of the utmost priority. I went with a company called Wild Florida, which offers a drive-through safari park, a ’gator park and airboat tours driven by people like Captain Jeff, all handlebar moustache, aviator shades, and no-nonsense Floridian drawl. BBQ is also a way of life around these parts (though hopefully not involving any of the crea- tures I’ve just met). An excellent way to fill up away from the strip malls and fast food joints is the chunky slice of old-school Americana that is Big John’s Rockin’ BBQ, where you can gorge yourself on pork, chicken, ribs, brisket and sausage... and potentially some vegetables too. If you’d rather float than walk after such a session, then the picturesque Winter Park boat tour takes you along the man-made canals of Central Florida’s oldest community, founded by wealthy Easterners in the 1800s, in what feels like a behind-the-scenes tour of Orlando.
To be able to retreat to accommodation that’s close enough to make the theme parks easily doable – but far enough away to be out of the madness – is a blessing, and you can feel your self decompressing as the final theme park sign whizzes past you in the other direction on the free- way. That said, to come to Florida and not dip a toe into either Disney, Universal or both would be to forgo some serious fun. Of course, parting with significant amounts of cash will get you through the ride queues more quickly, but if your time is limited, Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventures and the VelociCoaster at Universal, and the new Guardians of the Galaxy ride at Epcot, are the ones to stand in line for. This part of the world is, largely, about the theme parks, but Kissimmee and its surrounds do an excellent job of softening the edges with touches of beauty, Americana and authenticity. If you manage to avoid the kind of characters that make up Florida Man, all the better.
MATT CHARLTON